February 11, 2013

Random Reax

Taz has a boil on his ass
Honest question, Taz: Why did you think this was information that needed to be shared with the rest of the world? Did you really think this was so important that it just couldn't not be said during a show being broadcasted to millions of people all around the globe? Did you tell yourself that it was such a brilliant and unforgettable call to make that it would one day be immortalized in the Hall of Fame and have a place of honor next to, "Oh, shit, it's Vince Russo!" under a plaque that reads 'Best Announcing Calls in TNA History'? Because if that's what you believed, you were mistaken.

And FTR, the next time you have a boil or a mole or a rash or a hemorrhoid or any other kind of unfortunate skin condition on or anywhere near the vicinity of your posterior, please do wrestling fans everywhere a big favor and keep it to your damn self.

Christ, I miss Don West...

Anonymity is power... except when it isn't...
Okay, let me see if I've got this straight... Devon is the first member of the Aces & 8s to be unmasked. Rather than being punished for this, Devon is glorified, receiving more attention in the group with his place in their ranks, if anything, being further solidified. He is even given the chance to compete for and win the TV title from Samoa Joe with help from the other members.  

We're then told ad nauseam that the masked members of the group must protect their identities no matter what because their "anonymity is power" even though the exact opposite turned out to be true in Devon's case. So when DOC and Mike Knox are unmasked, they're reprimanded and forced to earn their way back into the group -- a task which (let's be honest) didn't take much effort on their part. At most, they received slaps on the wrist that were quickly forgotten. 

Then Taz reveals his identity (and thus gives up his "power") at Bully Ray & Brooke Hogan's wedding for seemingly no reason at all when the Aces & 8s could have quite easily ruined the ceremony without him doing so. Instead of being punished like DOC and Knox were, Taz is glorified like Devon was the following week.  

A few weeks after that Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco unmask themselves voluntarily when, much like with the Taz reveal, this could have been easily avoided, and their "punishment" for throwing away the "power" their anonymity gave them is receiving more attention in the group, not less, with Brisco even scoring himself a prime spot against Kurt Angle at Lockdown that plenty of people think he's not even ready for.   

In case you haven't been paying attention, this storyline has no f***ing rules. 

Why bother even setting up a mission statement like this for the group at all if the writers were just going to disregard it whenever random silly plot twists demanded they do so? For that matter, where the hell did this "anonymity is power" BS even come from? Why exactly were the Aces & 8s concealing their identities in the first place? With Devon, Bischoff and Brisco I suppose it made sense, but why on earth were DOC and Knox wearing masks? Was DOC still embarrassed about the Festus gimmick? Was Knox feeling ashamed because WWE's Daniel Bryan has a better beard than him? Who really gave a crap if people knew it was them? They weren't supposed to be under contract with the company anyway, so what possible difference could it make? What could they do with their identities concealed that they haven't been able to do since they lost the masks? NOTHING! 

Garett Bischoff has learned a new facial expression 
Hold on to your kneecaps, people! After Garett Bischoff and Wes Brisco attacked Kurt Angle in Manchester, revealing their allegiance with the Aces & 8s in the heel turn everyone on earth had been calling for months (except Angle apparently) it looks as if the pride and joy of TNA's executive producer has embraced his role in this glorified job squad and added a brand new facial expression to his already-staggering resume, increasing his impressive catalogue of expressions to a grand total of TWO!

Taste the awesomeness, wrestling fans! TASTE IT!

Garett had already shattered all expectations with his scintillating expression popularly dubbed 'Huh? What's going on?' But now we must all prepare ourselves as Garett blows the wrestling world's collective socks off with a new expression so electrifying that it puts the People's Eyebrow to shame!

The expression that will now be known as...... 'I'm eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil!'

See?! Because he's grinning! And he's kind of lowering his eyebrows a little! That's how you know he's a bad guy! Gary Oldman, eat your heart out!

Congratulations, Garett. Looks like all those countless hours spent standing in front of a mirror have finally paid off. With you taking this huge step in your career as a performer, you're now dead even with Freddie Prinze Jr. and his one-two punch expressions of 'Deer in the headlights' and 'My stomach hurts'. Truly a milestone worth celebrating! There will be parades in your honor! People will shower you with confetti from the rooftops! Beautiful women will throw themselves at you! Anne Hathaway will leave her new husband just for the chance to kiss the ground you walk on and worship at your feet! Truly you are the superstar that will lead the wrestling business into the future to heights never before dreamed of!

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