Time for our monthly PPV preview. This month Chessarmy and myself are joined by the 3rd point in the QCWradio triforce of awesomeness, the ever witty, always hilarious, sometimes deeply disturbing Quintastic One.
ALL TITLES ON THE LINE
The Beautiful People vs. ODB (c), Sarita & Taylor Wilde (c)
FK9: Why even bother with this one? If it were a non-title match then at least you could suspend your disbelief long enough to think that the heels might go over. But with all the belts on the line? Please... Are we supposed to think that Lacey Von Erich, a woman who trips over her own feet in the ring, a woman referred to backstage as "Rhaka Blonde" is going to win the Knockouts title? I don't care how gorgeous Dixie Carter thinks she is -- it's just not going to happen and we all know it. And after the way they were shamed by the champs on the last two PPVs, Velvet & Madison have about as much chance of winning the tag team titles, which is no chance in hell.
Who should win: ODB, Sarita & Taylor Wilde. And for God's sake, let this be the end of the Beautiful People's interminable push.
Chessarmy: This isn't booked correctly at all. ODB shouldn't even be Knockouts champion and the all-titles-on-the-line stipulation just confuses me. I hate it when TNA books these types of matches. Either way, it won't deliver. Lacey Von Erich will be on LIVE TV, you know she's going to have a major botch. Look, the girl is hotter than hell's toilet seat, the problem is she cant work. Because of her alone, the match won't be anything worth my time and I'll probably use this as my bathroom break.
Who should win: Sarita, Taylor and ODB
The Quintastic One: You aren't going to have any complaints from me here. Velvet Sky, Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich? Team Hotter Than A Pistol On A Grill In A Texas Summer Green House?...... oh, and there's ODB somewhere in there too. This one isn't going to last too long, it's gonna be great for the eye candy, and that's all I'm expecting from it.
Who should win: The Beautiful People. Because they're hawt.
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6 SIDES OF STEEL CAGE MATCH
Tara vs. Awesome Kong
FK9: Even in the 6 sides of steel I find that I really just don't care about this match as much as I should, though that's not the fault of the wrestlers. The writers should've pulled the trigger on this feud months ago -- even Bound for Glory was probably stretching out the build up for too long. But the match didn't even really happen at BFG either because they had to throw ODB in there for some reason. They teased this thing for months with fans begging them to just have a damn match already and now that they finally are I don't think there's nearly as much interest as there used to be. At any rate, with Awesome Kong getting her "top heel" on again it makes the most sense to put her over here. This isn't a knock on Tara, but I'm just much more interested in seeing Alissa Flash get pushed against Kong, though I highly doubt I'm going to get my wish on that one. :(
Who should win: Awesome Kong
Chessarmy: THIS should be for the Knockouts title. The build up going in is great since the match has been in the making for a while, not to mention, it'll be inside the 6 sides of steel. The only unfortunate part is they aren't wrestling for anything. Kong should've beaten ODB for the Knockouts title on an episode of iMPACT before this PPV so this cage match could actually have a belt on the line. Now the Tara/Kong feud will suffer because of inadequate booking. Kong should pick up the win here; she's been on a huge rampage and I'd hate to see that end.
Who should win: Awesome Kong
The Quintastic One: This is gonna be brutal. More brutal than a pitbull in a hot air balloon juggling two fish and a pound cake. Awesome Kong obviously beats the tar out of Tara from pillar to post. Tara's the hotness though, so she'll look good taking it. Kinda like last night. Yeah, I went there...
Who should win: Awesome Kong
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STREET FIGHT
Team 3D & Rhino vs. "the Blueprint" Matt Morgan, Hernandez & "the Pope" D'Angelo Dinero
FK9: This is the match that most heavily factors into the youth movement "storyline". Rhino's pissed off about the veterans seemingly getting phased out by management and now 3D are on board with him. Part of me would like to see the vets take this one so Rhino could retain some meager credibility as a heel, but with them facing two of Dixie Carter's favorites who are also two of the company's most heavily pushed young stars, not to mention the Pope, who TNA has captured lightning in a bottle with, the writing is on the wall here.
Who should win: the Blueprint, Supermex & the Pope
Chessarmy: I loved the Team 3D heel turn. I saw it coming from a mile away, but it was still enjoyable. I like how they're apprehensive heels, but as the weeks go by I'm sure we'll see that wear off. With TNA's recent youth movement this storyline makes sense in that they're just trying to make sure the fans know WHY the young stars have suddenly dominated the show. As for who should win, I'd go with Morgan, Hernandez and Dinero. It wouldn't be good for them to lose to 3D & Rhino, especially when Dixie is hell bent on making stars out of Hernandez and Morgan.
Who should win: Morgan, Hernandez and Dinero
The Quintastic One: My boy, Rhino, is in this match, that's all I need to know for my predictions. I may like Dinero, Morgan and Hernandez, but when you mix the total awesome that is Rhino, the total baldness that is Devon, and the total girth of Bubba, you've got a winning combination.
Who should win: Team 3D & Rhino
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Scott Steiner vs. "the Boss" Bobby Lashley
FK9: File this one under "We need to get Lashley on the card somehow." There's no reason for Lashley to do the job here and even less reason for Steiner to go over.
Who should win: Bobby Lashley
Chessarmy: This feud reminds me of the Booker T/Kurt Angle feud from Smackdown a few years ago. That was absolute garbage and this is too. Steiner wont be able to carry Lashley to a watchable match in my opinion -- another bathroom break for me. Lashley will come out with the win and I hope to God the feud will be over
Who should win: Bobby Lashley
The Quintastic One: On one hand, you have the largest arms in the world. On the other hand, you've got the largest black arms in the world. If this is true, you're probably some weird multi-ethnic body builder. So this match has all the tools to get you having washboard abs in three weeks or less. But regardless, this match has Kristal Marshall heel swerve written all over it. And then you get to enjoy Scott Steiner mackin' on Lashley's woman.
Who should win: Scott Steiner
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GLOBAL TITLE MATCH
Kevin Nash vs. Eric Young (c)
FK9: Steiner vs. Lashley, lather, rinse, repeat. Nash in singles matches is just a bad idea at this point. Hell, Nash in any kind of match is a bad idea at this point. EY is the leader of a new up-and-coming heel faction and Nash is basically nothing, which makes this pretty easy.
Who should win: Eric Young
Chessarmy: Soooo... Kevin Nash is a babyface? I understand the storyline going into this, but isn't Nash still a heel? I think the match will be watchable, but I won't be looking forward to it. Hopefully Eric Young retains like he should, and I just hope he can carry Nash to something respectable. It's unfortunate that Nash got himself suspended a few weeks ago as the build up suffered because of it.
Who should win: Eric Young
The Quintastic One: This match is like a dog with a hamburger on its head. And it ain't a pretty hamburger either. It's like a whopper jr without the beef. So I have to ask, where's the beef? It's right here in this match. I'm pretty sure Nash is American though, so he shouldn't be challenging for this title. Which means that Eric Young wins by default. For being Jewish. I assume.
Who should win: Eric Young
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X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH
Homicide vs. Amazing Red (c)
FK9: With the World Elite on the rise and Homicide their chosen X-division representative (Bashir & Kiyoshi don't really count), then it would make sense for him to win here. BUT... it seems like management has finally woken up and realized what was staring them in the face for months: the fans LOVE Amazing Red. They should be building the entire X-division around this guy. He came out of BFG looking like a strong champion but it's too soon to take the belt off him if he's going to keep the credibility he gained by retaining in the Ultimate-X match. Homicide can win the belt later, but for now it's more important that Red keep it to firmly establish himself as THE guy to beat in the X-division. Plus, after the way he got destroyed by Lashley in a matter of seconds on iMPACT, Homicide going over in this match would really diminish the title and I don't want to see that happen. He needs to be made to look strong again after that loss before I'll buy into him as X-division champ.
Who should win: Amazing Red
Chessarmy: Homicide lost in 60 seconds on iMPACT To Lashley. However, I'll give TNA props, at least he got his heat back after the match. Overall, this X-division title bout doesn't have much hype behind it and it's probably one of the weaker X title matches this year in terms of build up, but I'm sure the match will deliver. As long as TNA gives them a good 15 minutes to go out there and put on a great match, they will. The winner? I don't know, it's a hard decision, but I'd honestly give the belt to Homicide. The World Elite just look like a random mid-card faction right now. They need to get stronger. Adding the X-division title will surely help.
Who should win: Homicide
The Quintastic One: TNA is really dropping the ball on this. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't pay to see Homicide vs. Suicide vs. the Genocidal Sabu? Yeah, I'm totally leaving out his other two nicknames, but who would want to see Homicide vs. Suicide if they could get all that, plus more just from watching a guy filled with too much baba ganoush? As for this match, I would like Amazing Red to retain so he can have a lengthy reign, but I see Homicide winning and taking one home for World Elite.
Who should win: Homicide
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WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Beer Money Inc. vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. British Invasion (c)
FK9: I really wish Storm & Roode had not been added to this match. Not that they shouldn't be in the title picture (they should be), but Sabin & Shelley really deserved to have the whole spotlight here. Beer Money change the complexion of this match and now I'm not sure how it's going to play out. Either they're there so the heels can retain without pinning the Guns or the Guns are there so the heels can retain without pinning Beer Money. Either way I see the Brits retaining; as much as I want Sabin & Shelley to finally get their due, it's just too soon to take the belts off them. They need the titles to establish themselves and the World Elite as a dominant force. Ultimately, it NEEDS to be the MCMG who dethrone them for the sake of keeping the title picture from getting stale, but that should be saved for a big PPV like Genesis.
Who should win: British Invasion over Beer Money
Chessarmy: THIS should be the match where the Guns win the tag titles! I'm tired of waiting, it's time, the Motor City Machine Guns have busted their asses for the fans and yet they STILL haven't won the tag belts. They won the #1 contendership in an amazing Ultimate-X match on iMPACT, the fans are solidly behind them, it's time they get what they deserve. This match should deliver, and although I just said the World Elite need to get stronger by adding some titles to the group, I think the Invasion can go without the tag straps for at least a few months before they win them back again.
Who should win: The Motor City Machine Guns
The Quintastic One: So whatever happened to this being Beer Money's last shot? Why are they added in the first place? Does TNA not have any faith in the Guns vs. Invasion by themselves? Well, despite that, I give the edge solidly to Beer Money, simply because those racy James Storm photos just scream tag title push.
Who Should Win: Beer Money Inc.
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Kurt Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe
FK9: How psyched is Nigel McGuinness right now? This is the hardest one for me to predict. Wolfe has gotten the best of Angle every week for a month straight and that won't mean as much if he loses here. But at the same time, it's Kurt Angle. Unlike the Nashes and Steiners on the roster, Kurt can still go with the best of them and should be at or at least near the top of the card at all time. Angle has shown that he has no problem with putting over younger stars and a win over him would establish Wolfe as a main eventer instantly, but as Angle showed at BFG with Matt Morgan, the young guy doesn't necessarily have to win the match to get put over.
Who should win: It's a tough call, but I think this should go to a no contest or a time limit draw where both guys look strong, but neither wins the match. It just seems too soon to put either man over the other if that makes any sense.
Chessarmy: This is exhibit A in how you debut a new star. Desmond Wolfe comes in and immediately makes an impact. He destroys Kurt Angle not once, but twice, and now he's booked in one of the most anticipated matches on this PPV. I hope they get a good amount of time to work. This should be a hard hitting match that could possibly be 4 stars. I expect Kurt Angle to come out the winner. Wolfe has pretty much dominated the feud up to this point and it's time for Angle to gain some momentum.
Who should win: Kurt Angle
The Quintastic One: This is gonna be an amazing match. So amazing that I can't even develop a proper witty smart mark type comment about this match. So I will leave it at this: Desmond Wolfe ends up winning and they continue phasing out Kurt Angle from the main event. Not because I want them to, but because that's where I see this going.
Who should win: Desmond Wolfe
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MAIN EVENT: WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
Samoa Joe vs. Daniels vs."the Phenomenal" AJ Styles (c)
FK9: Drool! No matter who loses, the real winners are the fans in this match. The only problem is the winner is too easy to predict. They can't take the belt off of AJ after he just defeated Sting at BFG a month ago. He needs to be booked as a strong champion and the figurehead of TNA's youth movement as they build up to AJ vs. Kurt Angle.
Who should win: AJ Styles
Chessarmy: This match probably won't top the Unbreakable '05 classic, but I'm sure it COULD be a match of the year candidate. Again, if given the right amount of time the match will deliver. The build up has been tremendous with Samoa Joe playing the manipulating heel who's driving a wedge between two close friends. I agree with FK9, this is what Joe's character should have been all along. It wouldn't hurt if Joe lost the face paint too. One complaint about this is that Daniels is looking weak so far, but I'm sure they'll do something to fix that by having him come close to winning the world title. Who should win? It's easy -- AJ Styles. He just won the belt and he deserves a long reign. He'll probably end up pinning Daniels somehow. Post-match, I expect another attack on AJ by the mystery guy.
Who should win: AJ Styles
The Quintastic One: Daniels has been booked to look like a fool in this match. Samoa Joe has been great playing the heel role, but I find this match overly predictable. Will it be a damned good quality match? Hell yes. But I still see AJ Styles retaining. That's not a bad thing, just the way I can see it from a mile away is.
Who Should Win: AJ Styles
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